The revisions for my essay really helped when working toward a final piece. They made me realize that I didn't have a clear point in my essay. I was jumping around between three different topics and I never really related them together. I just assumed that people could see the connection. I can fix this by working on my transitions between paragraphs. I need to explain myself more and how I get from one topic to the next.
Before I discussed that the risk I was taking was that the beginning of my essay was completely different from the end. I failed to correctly do this on final draft, but I now think I know what I have to do. I need to add cohesion to my essay by explaining the relationship of each and every one of my topics. Additionally, I also need to work on some grammitcal errors and specific structural issues in my sentences. I saw the some of them seemed completely illogical, but made sense while I was writing them.
Over all the advice was really helpful and I am using all of it!
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